Do you feel abandoned or betrayed? What do you do when your so-called friends desert you?
Type A: You withdraw.
“He wants to ask my sister to be the lead singer? He really just wants to spend the rest of his life with her! Forget the lot of them. I don’t need friends, anyway. I don’t even need my sister! Me in my own little world—that’s where I’m safe. I knew I shouldn’t trust anyone, ever.”
Type B: You confront/get angry.
“You walked off at the party leaving me with a bunch of total strangers feeling like a twat! Who do you think you are? You think you’re the only one that matters in this place. I matter, too, and let me tell you how and why.”
Type C: You get vindictive/judgmental.
“How dare you leave me sitting at the restaurant with the $10 check? I’ll show you. I’ll start with my nails on your Mustang . . .”
Type D: You get depressed/cry.
“She doesn’t want to come and pop popcorn and watch Star Wars for the 15th time while dressed in aluminum foil. Poor, poor me. No one loves me. No one wants me around.”
The quandary with all of these responses is that none of them solve the real problem—the stuff that goes on in your head. The reality is that you have to already feel unsafe/vulnerable/worthless/alone/unwanted in order for others’ actions to trigger you.
Your belief system will either help, heal or worsen the thoughts. When it comes to the Creator, this is what he says:
Type A:
Shutting down cuts you off from all the love as well as all the pain. You can trust me and be complete.
Type B:
Anger will never heal the pain of believing you don’t matter. You matter to me.
Type C:
My love, in and through you, is more powerful than retaliation. I care when you feel you have no one to lean on.
Type D:
I want you to always live in me and invite me to always live in you. I love you.
So let your sister be the lead singer and then steal all her new clothes without having to go to band practice three times a week; enjoy the new people at the party and get your flirt ON; pay the restaurant check and conveniently forget your wallet next time you are out with him; and last, but definitely not least,
Try watching Lord of the Rings while dressed in Bubble Wrap next time, my precious.
I really appreciate the way you so accurately nailed one of my weaknesses, and then spoke truth in a very encouraging way. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. They are very life-giving!
And last but not least, you are a real hoot!!!